Robby Slaughter has followed my post-Berkner career more closely than anybody I know. He was there for Good-bye to the Clown (my farewell to high school opus), Sean Connery Golf Project, Who is Jim Holt?, Stuck in Delaware, and visited me in Prague this spring. Sorry I made you stay in a hostel, Robby, but things were really crazy!
Jesus, he even went to a meeting of my cranky anti-age based laws UT Student Organization "Under 21" - and that, if nothing else, makes him one of a kind. I wouldn't be surprised if he happened across a shredded manuscript of No Whey: The Case Against Caseinate, the animal rights book Joe and I started back when we thought that soy-cheese thickening milk proteins were the most pernicious evil on the planet. Or, at least, thought we would be able to argue that. So it makes sense that Robby is the second person to get drilled for his Jeremy Coon musings.
You'll notice that a lot of my questions for Robby are the same ones I asked Duncan. That's because I got lazy and told Robby to read Duncan's interview and answer those questions first. Then I came up with a few more. It's not like I intentionally kept those quesitons from Duncan. I just hadn't thought of them yet. But please, let's let Robby speak for himself.
Q: First tell me a little about yourself. Who are you, where are you, how did you get there, what do you do, what's your life philosophy, and how do we know each other?
A: I'm Robby Slaughter. I now live in Boston, Massachusetts with my girlfriend, where I work as a software developer. I just got back from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. My philosophy is that all practical problems are design problems. I went to high school with Rhys Southan, and due to various overlapping interests in being outrageous, we've crossed paths many times.
Q: You first met or knew of Jeremy Coon in high school, right? Did he change at all during the time you knew him?
A: Jeremy Coon and I both played trombone for the Berkner High School Marching Ram Band. There were two distinct types of trombonists back then (and sources indicate this has always and continues to be true): the cool kids who slacked off, sought out trouble, and were mostly in the band for the parties and field trips, and the nerdy kids who actually practiced, told clean jokes, and had an earnest interest in "the music". Coon and myself were in different groups. I will leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine which. [Ed's note: Jeremy Coon was in the former group, and Robby was in the latter.]
Q: Were you friends with him at all? What did you think of him? Was your impression of him more positive or negative?
A: He was cool in a time when irresponsibilty was in style. Our interaction was strictly limited to band (we had no classes in common), and I think everything he said to me was either neutral or derrogatory. I certainly envied his jovial lifestyle, but I did not want to be him.
Q: Physically, how would you describe Jeremy Coon? Fat?
A: He was big. I'm 5'10 myself, and I remember he and his band friends towering over myself, and especially the younger players. He might have been a little pudgy, but I was overweight myself in those days so I wouldn't be prone to notice. [Ed's note: Why won't anybody just come out and say it? Jeremy Coon was fat!]
Q: Do you wish you'd been better friends with Jeremy Coon in high school now that he's made it so big?
A: In some respects, I do, but to explain I have to interpret "made it big" in an exceedingly specific way. I don't care that he's popular, just that he's become quite successful in a field that I know so little about. I also wish I had better ties with Berkner grads who became big time lawyers, doctors or buffalo ranchers, just so I could pump them for stories about their life. I don't know any big time movie people, which makes participating in this interview a thinly veiled insurance policy. Go Rhys go!
Q: How did Jeremy Coon function socially in high school? Did he have a lot of friends? A lot of enemies? Did he ever seem to be dating anyone? Did he get into any fights? Was he cool or was he a nerd?
A: He was hip and happening, but only in the slacker circle. American high schools, for blog readers calling in from Cambodia, are like tiny countries filled with warring factions called cliques. I was with the nerds (though I made a few sweeping career moves toward the populars and the thesbians in my senior year), and Coon was with the slackers.
Coon epitomized the slacker life, but did not lead that group. I don't think he was ever in any honors courses, and while he picked on people, usually doing so was just too much work. The slackers were also well known for their interest in pot and beer. I can't assert that Coon ever partook, but it would fit the stereotype.
If he ever dated anyone, it was no one I knew. [Ed's note: Yeah. No one I knew, either.]
Q: What sort of cliques did Jeremy hang around? Who were his closest friends?
A: I'd put him in the slacker group. He knew two of the Wiedemier brothers (Matt & David), Chris Roberts (unsure about that last name) and Bonnie Coover (who is even cooler now than she was in high school). [Ed's note: BONNIE COOVER?!?! Robby has to know this is a serious cheapshot, bringing Bonnie up like this. Especially talking about how cool Bonnie is now. She was my first girlfriend in 7th grade... and my last girlfriend until after I got out of college. Yep, her breaking up with me after a month of "going together" devastated me so badly that it took me 11 years to recover to the point where I could actually be in a relationship. One could argue that Bonnie Coover more or less set my life on a path of self-destruction, frustration and woe that hasn't fully abated even today. But perhaps the loneliness and fear were good for me by forcing me to become an outsider, an astute observer of the human condition, full of wry commentary and unthinkably brilliant satire. Hogwash! I want my life back! Was it my fault for over-reacting to the typical middle school relationship cycle of going to a school dance together, making out a few times, and then ending it all forever without warning? NO! I only did what any reasonable boy in love would have done. I held a torch for 11 years. My only regret is that I didn't hold it longer (Just kidding, Rachel!). But seriously, what did I do wrong, Bonnie? Was I a prude? If that's the case, it's only because it was my first relationship. I was scared! All I want to know is what I did. And then, perhaps, I can finally move on. P.S., to Robby: Do you still talk to Bonnie Coover? Does she ever say anything about me?]
Q: Did you know that Jeremy Coon was a Mormon? Does it make sense in retrospect? Do you think he was trying to hide it?
A: No way, and I was stunned to find out. I knew some Mormons in high school and college and they were completly unlike Coon. Coon never seemed ardent about anything, except leading a life of leisure. Maybe he was a spy for LDS in the slacker world, trying to convince people that exaltation is better than bong hits. I think he might have gotten more into it later in life. Or, it's possible that I have entirely misjudged him. Am I safe from libel yet?
Q: What have your other experiences (if any) with Mormons been like?
A: Weird. I once met a smokin-hot gal with a bright future as a software developer, who wanted nothing more than to meet a nice Mormon man, get out of the industy, and have his babies. She even admitted to pursuing a techincal degree in college to "meet more men".
Q: Did you ever hear about Jeremy Coon getting on America's Funniest Home Videos?
A: Nope, and I'll never mention it again. If someone asks me about it, I'll be sure and say that I heard it was crap. Go Rhys Go!
Q: Do you see any similarities between Jeremy Coon and Napoleon Dynamite?
A: I haven't seen Napoleon Dynamite. Doing so would increase the challenge, however slightly, of Southan's holy mission to unseat Coon from the throne of legend. I heard it sucks. Yeah, that's it. Napolean Dynamite sucks. Don't go see it. And if you already did, try and forget it. [Ed's note: Though I appreciate the sentiment, you should probably just see the damn movie, Robby]
Q: Years after high school, Jeremy Coon was quoted as saying, "Rhys was so weird in high school, he was an untouchable, even to me." You knew me in high school. What do you make of that? Spite or candor?
A: How about, "accuracy in reporting"? Rhys, you *were* weird in high school, and you continue to be weird today.
Weren't you the guy in high school who shaved half his face for shock value? And didn't you intentionally have your name mispronounced at graduation? [Ed's note: At my graduation, I intentionally told the annoucer an incorrect pronunciation for my name -- "Rice Soothin."] What about that incident with the sock puppet and the crate full of syringes? Okay, maybe I made that last one up.
The weirdness continuith. Nobody else is trying to Beat Jeremy Coon! Nobody else ever co-wrote a song called "Murder's Okay if it's Just Because". [Ed's note: Joe will kill me if I let that one pass. I actually only wrote one line in that song, and that was the most I contributed to any song in Who is Jim Holt?. Joe wrote all the songs, except for "Jim Holt's Song to the Jury," which he co-wrote with Michael Bluejay. I merely wrote the script.] You not only broke into Sony Pictures, you convinced a sweet, innocent young woman to join you, who is now paying for your crimes while you escape justice by avoiding the State of California. Sounds like pretty weird stuff, especially for a guy hired by the famously level-headed Reason magazine.
Q: How would you compare Berkner people to the rest of the world? Are we different?
A: We're pretty similar to other suburbanite kids, especially those from red states. But most people aren't suburbanites, which makes us pretty unusual. Most Berkner graduates are probably among the world's richest 10%.
Surprisingly, I bet most Rams [Ed's note: Berkner's mascot is the mighty Ram] aren't that hard working and tend to be quite apathetic socially and politically. Our school system, like most in wealthy areas, was not all that academically rigorous. It took real effort to fail. I think this produced graduates who expected that a nonchalant attitude would carry them forward for the rest of their life.
Q: When and how did you find out that Jeremy Coon produced Napoleon Dynamite? Was it a shock?
A: At first I assumed it was false---that somebody else named Jeremy Coon was responsible. Surely somebody who was in Symphonic I or Symphonic II, not a guy who spent almost all of his high school career in the Concert I band could be a producer for a full-blown Hollywood film! I was convinced when I saw his mugshot on the net.
Then I thought little of it. I unfortunately passed the news on to other Berkner grads before I learned of your jihad against Coonism. Ah, the pang of regret.
Q: What Berkner grads did you tell of Jeremy Coon's success? Were they impressed?
A: Just a handful---Michael Aiuvalaist, Leslie Hochman, Duncan Gilman, and Lara Lanham. They were all suitably impressed. [Ed's note: Interesting, because in his interview, Duncan claimed to have heard about it from his parents. Did he remember wrong, or did he politely mislead Robby into thinking he was the first to tell him the exciting news?]
Q: What's your feeling about the Berkner community reaction to Jeremy Coon? Is he a hero to us? Has he finally given Berkner the credibility it's long been seeking? Or is he a blight, a menace?
A: I haven't seen the film (and I can't, for aforementioned reasons), so I really don't know. If it really is tripe - full of typical, tired characters, standard gags and uncreative nonsense, like, say, a screenplay for an unmade film tenatively titled "Sean Connery Golf Project" - then he's no hero. He's a scorn on society, who, like most Berkner grads, is part of the problem. Coon's actually worse in this case, because he's popularized something mediocre.
But if it's good, he's good. But we won't discuss that, since we're all here to support the beating of Jeremy Coon.
Q: By the time our high school reunion rolls around, will everyone at Berkner already know that Jeremy Coon is the big success story?
A: It depends a great deal on Coon. Movies have wide appeal, so there's no reason why everyone at the reunion would not have seen it. Therefore there's a fairly fluid channel for Coon to promote himself.
This would be in contrast to say, Class of 97 graduate Ryan Sanders, who I understand is working toward a PhD in English with an emphasis on Shakespeare. If he writes a great book on the Bard, even one not designed for academics, it won't trickle through the grapevine very fast no matter how much he promotes himself. Alack!
Q: Of all people to make it big from our school, did you ever suspect it might be Jeremy Coon?
A: No way. I would put him in the bottom third, if not the bottom ten percent of my guess. He's not even in the "so crazy it just might happen category". That slot is reserved for Rhys Southan. [Ed's note: Thanks... I guess!]
Q: Who hasn't made it big from our school that you thought would?
A: Duncan Gilman is a big one; he's got more talent for funny words than anyone I know. I think we all thought Grace Lin would either crack or continue to excel, rumor has it the former occured. I kind of thought Matt Groves would be a champion soccer player. That's about it. Oh, does Sam Mohan own a couple of hotels, some porno magazines, and have three strippers for girlfriends yet?
Q: Do you think there are any contenders from our highschool who might possibly out-success Jeremy Coon? If so, who and how?
A: If by "success" you mean "fame", then I think it seems difficult at this point. People rarely move from obscurity to fame when they are old, and time is running out. Jensen Ackles, who was a year ahead of us and had a few roles on television shows still has a chance. That's about it. The chances are slim for everyone else. [Ed's note: There's a reason this site isn't called Beat Jensen Ackles. Can anyone say "flash in the pan"?]
Q: One thing I've heard from people is that Jeremy Coon didn't write, direct or star in Napoleon Dynamite, and those are the most important things. How's this for a tactic - Jeremy Coon's not all that great because all he did was produce and edit a movie that happened to be good, little thanks to him?
A: I don't know. I've never really worked in the industry, and "producer" always sounds like a bogus credit. It's pretty clear what the writers, actors, and directors do.... what does the producer do? In a lot of cases, isn't the producer just the investor who gets his fingers in everything because he controls the money?
But regardless, how important is it to disparage Coon? Seems like beating him is more about doing something more impressive rather than badmouthing what he has already accomplished. [Ed's note: Touche.]
Q: High school reunions are basically a time for showing off what you've done with your life. How do you think you'll fare at the Berkner class of '97 10-year reunion?
A: I think my trip to Europe will confuse and impress people. I'm really more interested in seeing what happened to everyone else (and what they made happen, should that have occured) than I am in what they think of me. I might just make up a really boring story to avoid my end of the conversation.
Q: Do high school reunions matter? Does the prospect of one make you want to try harder? Will you even go?
A: Are you kidding? They totally matter. Back then there were SAT scores, class rank, Prom king and queen, who dates who and who got the most signatures in the yearbook. You thought it was over? The reunion is coming up for one more shot at putting you in your place, ordering us all in the great chain of being that is high school. Of course I'm going. I don't have nearly the self confidence necessary to stay away.
High school is a microcosm of the real world. The details are different----nobody schedules closed-book tests two weeks in advance in real life (it's all open-book pop quizzes, baby) and there's a lot less hand holding, but the principles are the same. Authority still stupidly rules the landscape, bullshit abounds, brownnosing works, and bucking the system is an futile, albeit entertaining pasttime. Reunions are a chance to see how everyone survived the awkward transition to real life, when they had to actually learn to worry about everything. This is especially true for us suburbanites. I think it'll be a hoot.
Q: Are you at all concerned with Jeremy Coon basically blasting us all out of the water by being the producer of such a fantastically successful movie and going on to produce more?
A: Again, that depends on whether it sucks or does not suck. If it does, it's a bad name for Berknerites everywhere. If it does not suck, it's bad for my friend Rhys Southan, in whose basket I have placed most of my hollywood connection eggs. (Duncan, you still have a few.) [Ed's note: Newsflash, Robby: it does not suck.]
I don't think we need to worry about catching up though. Mass culture means mass appeal, and mass appeal creates the celebrity effect. The only reason Coon is famous is because movies are expensive to make, so the industry is very centralized and inbred and the viewing public has to include everybody to cover the costs. I think in the future, we'll have less big studio pictures because you'll be able to make a great movie with all the trimmings for cheap enough to not need millions of eyeballs to pay for it. In the future, nobody will be famous.
Q: Do you think Jeremy Coon will even appear at our high school reunion? Why or why not?
A: It depends on his career strategy. Some filmmakers are complete publicity sluts---they have to be because they need the money. A good example is Kevin Smith, who in his early days would do an appearance at the drop of a hat. Other people are mysterious savants, like Terence Malick, who flies in from his isolated retreat on an uncharted Pacific island once every twenty years to make the Most Important Film Ever.
If Coon's looking to make bigger movies for wider audiences with larger budgets and more creative control, he has to become better known. That means coming to the reunion and milking it for all it's worth. But if he wants to be artsy and weird, or if he doesn't need to sell out (any more than he already has---Go Rhys go!)---then he can create more mystique by not showing up.
Q: Have you accomplished everything you hoped you'd hoped you would since high school?
Not by a longshot. But then again, half of the things I wanted to do out of high school were stupid ideas. If I can continue to dismiss half of my old ideas at this rate, by 2015 I will have accomplished everything I set out to do simply by continuing to breathe.
I think the implied question here is: "Does Coon's accomplishment make you feel small, unfocused, and incapable of success?" Of course the answer is yes. But I bet Coon did not leave high school with the plan to make this film. I bet it kind of fell into his lap, and he made it happen. I'm not saying there was no creative inspiration or hard work [Ed's note: that's my job], but it's probably not the realization of a lifelong dream. If it were, we could all envy him for having a vision, a passion, and a success story to tell.
Q: In what ways has your life not lived up to your post-high school graduation expectations?
A: I think I expected to learn and know more than I have in this time. That's partially because I have not worked all that hard, partially because I'm stubborn and pigheaded, but mostly because all of the systems and processes in and around my life don't readily support progress. I haven't designed my life to meet my goals---I've just tried to meet them, which is really hard, because the old habits keep getting in the way.
I also expected to change less. I've changed far more than I would have ever imagined. I used to be fat with six arms, and now..... I don't think the way I used to, about the things I used to think about, and many of my behaviors are far more polished. I wonder how Coon has changed, if at all. Does knowing aid in the beating?
Q: I know it's up to me, and of course I have a plan, but do you have any suggestions for what, preciesly, I should do to beat him?
A: Pick a project and do your best. All of your past projects have been pretty good ideas that seem to have reached their full potential creatively, just not commerically. It seems like the people who have done well (such as Morgan Spurlock of "Super Size Me") not only have great projects but are tireless self-promoters.
Q: What about the blog itself? It's fairly time-consuming. Is it counter-productive to my goal?
A: Well, I think the blog is a great idea, but I think you need to focus more on the project at hand. Out of 29 blog entries, only 11 have been at least tangentially related to toppling one Coon. On top of that you're contributing to another blog and I hear, chasing lots of tail [Ed's note: a complete lie. I'm happily attached]. Focus, man! How am I going to know a big a time hollywood producer if you spend all your time grinding flaxseed and pretending to be a New Yorker?
Is the blog going to become a film project in itself? Will you make a documentary about Beating Jeremy Coon that will in fact, be the project which launches you into stardom ahead of the Coonster? That could be a fun idea.
Q: Tell me everything else you can think of about Jeremy Coon.
A: I got him involved in an endeavor to play in an ensemble entry in band. We were required to compete annually in a regional Solo & Ensemble contest, which I abhorred because (a) art is not a competition, and (b) you had to pick from an approved list of pieces all written before America was founded. So, I decided to arrange Pink Floyd's "The Wall" for four trombones. Nerdy, yes? Coon got involved because as a slacker, he loved Floyd and especially a song whose lyrics include "we don't need no education". I don't know if we ever discussed the irony openly.
I do remember, though, that he complained about the tedium of his part. Maybe having to slave away under my "direction" inspired him to rise up and lead a production later in life. If so, I have an even greater responsiblity here. BEAT JEREMY COON!
I will! Thanks, Robby!
It's true, I made up the part about Rhys chasing tail.
Rhys, I had no idea you had any history with Bonnie Coover! Almost the entireity of my friendship with Bonnie occured post high-school and mostly post-college. This might sting but, sorry, you never came up.
Posted by: Robby Slaughter | July 12, 2005 at 08:30 AM
I have a terrible memory, and Robby certainly could have told me about Jeremy. I assumed it was my parents since they often hear Berkner news before I do. I'm also sorry to say I don't remember your relationship with Bonnie. Finally, I'm disappointed that Robby never offered to arrange any Floyd for a barbershop quartet. Looking forward to the next interview!
Posted by: Duncan | July 12, 2005 at 02:50 PM
Either Duncan told me about Coon's involvement in The Movie Which Shall Not be Mentioned or when I told him, he had already heard elsewhere. Word is unfortuantely spreading.
Posted by: Robby Slaughter | July 12, 2005 at 03:13 PM
I think Robbie made a good point about the tireless self promotion. It might be cool if you could put trailers, clips or even entire short films that you've made on the site (or sample writings maybe?) that demonstrate your superiority to the power broker hot shots that peruse BJC. And just keep sending out your children's book manuscript to publishers, screenplays to contests and studios, etc.
Posted by: miles | July 12, 2005 at 05:38 PM
Just a note. Indeed the Berkner male teams mascots were the Rams but the female teams mascots were actually, (look it up) the Lady Rams! What does that say about the science/biology classes at Berkner?
Posted by: Dad | July 12, 2005 at 11:56 PM
i liked how you linked to my national guard photos...however, this probably makes no sense to anyone who doesn't already know me. im not in the war, afterall.
you should have linked to the article in which i win queen of the queer homecoming dance. that would have thrown people for a loop!
p.s. you're a genius, and i love you!
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