Stranger in a Strange Land

I usually don't get suckered into giving strangers money. I need it to buy stuff, you know? And why should I give a stranger money if he's not giving me money? I mean, I'm a stranger as well. So why don't I, as a random person that you don't know at all, deserve your money too? Still, the temptation to give people you don't know the fruit of your labor is always there, waiting for the right pitch.

The "hilariously honest" approach -- "Spare change so I can get cracked out?" -- doesn't work on me. It reminds me too much of the attrocious self-deprecating intro to A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius ("You might want to skip much of the middle, namely pages 209-301, which concern the lives of people in their early twenties, and those lives are very difficult to make interesting... Beyond chapter four, the book thereafter is kind of uneven.") Either it's a lie, and therefore not funny, or it's true, and I don't want to read your boring, uneven book. Or pay for your crack.

H the Great was different, though. He was offering me something:

H the Great intercepted me on my way to the Whole Foods in Union Square. He put this CD in my hand and eagerly pointed at the cover.

"That's me, man, that's me! H the Great! This is my CD, it's got some radio play, I'm doing it all independently, all I'm asking for is a small donation. A small donation, that's all, so I can print some more."

"Oh, I can't," I apologized, though I hadn't really done anything wrong. "I just moved here, I'm trying to save money, I've gotta be better than this guy from my high school..."

"Whoa, you know, you look like that kid from That 70s Show. You've got that look."

"You mean Eric?"

"I don't know about that, man. Where are you from," The Great asked.

"Austin. Texas."

The Great's eyes lit up.

"Texas! Every time I've been to Texas, all the girls have big titties! Why is that? You noticed that, right? It's not just me! All the Texas girls have big titties!"

I didn't know what to say. So I just kind of agreed with him. Then I gave him five dollars.

Comments

[c.a]

may i burn that cd from you?

xo

[Rhys]

You want to steal from H the Great? Okay.

[Joseph Weisenthal]

What does this have to do with beating Jeremy Coon? This clearly should have been a Liberteaser entry.

[Greg Newburn]

Yeah, Rhys. We don't mind that you want to beat Jeremy Coon; indeed, we applaud and support it.

But we need a clear, bright line division between this blog and the Teaser, with Coon-related posts going here, and non-Coon-related posts falling squarely over at the Teaser.

Still, this was very funny.

[rachel]

i don't see why you couldn't just post this on liberteaser too...
or maybe the teaser wanted an 'h the great' exculsive. man, that guy is blowing up.

and i have to agree with him about the titties. thats the first thing i noticed when i moved here.

[Chadwick]

Would you please post a review of the album soon?

[carrie.anne]

Hi, Chadwick!!!

[classic uggs]

2011 is my favorite year,now winter is comming at a moment,hope you have a nice day! Good time!